Today is the first day in years that my middle son, Aiden,
picked up an “Oreo” like cookie and actually ate it out of shear pleasure! It is the first time in years that he
actually touched a dessert type of food. On his own volition, Aiden decided to take a
handful of cookies and began eating.
This is nothing short of a miracle!
It wasn’t too long ago that I sat in our pediatrician’s
office bewildered at what our doctor was telling me about Aiden’s health. He was severely underweight, heart rate abnormally
low, and very pale skin. Not to mention
he had become withdrawn and socially isolated, lethargic, and incredibly
anxious. It seemed like overnight I had
lost my son. Aiden had always been a quite
and shy kid. Shyness was normal
behavior for him. Anxiety, withdrawn,
lethargy, and isolation was not. He had
become so withdrawn that he did not have a desire to speak with anyone. He would go through his days doing what was
required from him for school and sports and that was it. There was no extra energy for casual
conversation, creativity, or just having fun with friends. I was so busy picking up the pieces of our
life from a recent house fire that I never even saw the red flags. All of a sudden, I was being faced with a son
that was no longer the boy I knew anymore.
He had disappeared.
Flash forward to today and after a road to recovery that has
taken over 18 months Aiden has made a complete turn around. How did this happen? How did he go from
anorexic tendencies, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive behaviors to a child that
could once again be happy, playful, social, and at peace? How could he do this in
such a short amount of time? If you
speak with the professionals, illnesses such as these require years to overcome
and even then patients slip back easily into old behaviors. Usually, it is something that has to be
managed for the rest of a person’s life.
What made the difference here?
What made this scenario different and atypical from the rest? Truly, I believe that Hillary Clinton said
it best when she remarked that ‘It takes a village’. It does take a village…I believe it begins
with the family realizing that Aiden’s illness was not just about Aiden. Aiden’s illness was about our entire family. How did he get to where he was, how did we
contribute to this, and what lessons did we all need to learn from this? We had to do some individual and collective
soul searching that would eventually lead us on the yellow brick road back to
home…where it was all along…the answers that were in our hearts. The doctors and therapists and outside world
certainly did help to guide and direct us but we could not be dependent on
them. We had to follow our own internal
guidance that would lead us to the answers and information we needed over the course
of the year that would eventually lead us back to where we started, at
home. Each of us in our family had to
come home to our hearts. Each of us in
our family had to come home to full acceptance of ourselves and through the
acceptance of ourselves and who and what we were we could accept what was
happening to our son. Through acceptance
the answers just naturally showed up.
When he was obsessively brushing his teeth over and over again or could
not get out of the shower because he had to wash and rewash his body…it did not
help to react out of desperation and anxiously wonder why this was happening or
what was wrong with him?! We had to
peacefully accept what was happening, what was being triggered within ourselves
through what was happening to him, face that, and then do the healing work to
release what was inside of us first so that we could then help our child. Yes, we needed help and guidance from a
therapist and doctor along the way. But
were we dependent on their advice? Did
we only listen to their professional wisdom because we did not trust
ourselves? No, of course not. I knew all too well that our children are
mirrors for what is going on within ourselves.
What they trigger in us is a direct reflection of something we need to
look at within us. I had alot of anxiety
that I needed to heal and release if I expected my son to do this. I had alot of obsessive tendencies I needed
to look at in order to help him see his.
I had alot of issues with food and anorexic patterns that I personally
would cover up myself that needed to be released in order to finally help
him. Why did this happen? Why did we go down this path the past 18
months? Because we all needed to walk
closer and towards the light of whom we essentially are. We all had layers that we needed to peal off
in order to get to our true selves. We
all had our own issues to look at within ourselves that would ultimately
connect us to and help our son. Without
this journey we would have still been living within the purgatory that we
created in the first place. Yes, it
takes a village, but it also takes parenting through awareness. Be aware of your demons that you are hiding
yourself in your own closet. Do not be
afraid to open them and see what they have to say. Their darkness, their wisdom will only lead
you to the light. Illness is a call to
action. Illness is a wake up call to
move into living through awareness. I
thank my son for taking on these patterns and for helping us reach a higher way
of being and living. I can truly say
that we were not truly living until this transformation happened. Sometimes the road is paved with darkness and
fear and sometimes the road is paved with gold.
The destination is the same place.
Leading you back to your heart and where we have always belonged in the
first place. All that Dorothy ever
wanted to do was go home in the first place; what she didn’t realize is that
she had the answers within her all along.
Thank you Aiden, for showing us the way back home.
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