Diary of an Intuitive - Blog 7 - "Do you miss your Mom?"

Eleanor, my 6 year old daughter, often asks me, “Do you miss your mom?”  When she asks me questions like these it always reconnects me to my mom.  Usually, I stop whatever I am doing, I bring myself to the present moment, and I stay in the energy of that question.  There are multiple feelings that course through my body and heart when I hear that question.  It’s amazing how a precious moment such as a simple question, “Do you miss your mom?” can have such an effect on someone.  Usually, most of us cognize questions like these.  When someone asks us about our past we describe the person and their life and justify either them or ourselves for how we think about the person or the situations that surrounded that person’s life.  Rarely, do I ever hear someone pause, feel the question, and then describe what is coming from their heart.  We are living in a heart centered world now and it is important to pause and peacefully feel what is going on inside of us before moving into the next moment.  No matter what may be happening inside.  We may be feeling a wave of sadness when someone asks us about our past or a situation that currently overwhelms us.  We may not be able to understand what we are feeling but we know that it bothers us in some way.  Unfortunately, we are taught to suppress these feelings and fight on.  That is what a survivor does.  They press down the feelings, act like they don’t affect us, and then press on.  In a heart centered world it is different.  It is not about winning the fight.  It’s about being aware that we have feelings, being ok with these feelings, allowing them to flow and allowing them to heal.  When someone has a cut we don’t hide it from the world and act like it isn’t there.  We attend to the bruise.  We take care of it.  We know that through cleaning and tending to our sores that our body will heal itself.  This is also true for our emotional wounds.  We can not see them or touch them but we know that they are there.  They get poked at or jabbed at every time someone does or says something that we don’t like.  Our emotional wounds are easy to cover up from the outside world because most of us can’t see what is going on inside of someone else’s mind and body.  But the reality is that most of us walk around with open wounds from our past that we ignore until they become too great to bear and we end up feeling physically horrible, addicted to a substance, or contracted some type of disease.  Our emotional health is just as important as our physical health.  The problem is that it easy to put on the mask and show the world you are ‘fabulous’ instead of getting to the root cause of the problems in your life.  A cut or a bruise is obvious to the naked eye and we know that we must attend to its healing otherwise it will get infected and possibly become a larger more life threatening wound.  Our emotions are the same.  We must take the time to tend to our emotional gardens.  We must feed it with compassion and light, we must allow ourselves to sift through and weed out what we like and do not like about ourselves, we must nourish ourselves with grace and love so that we can grow into the beauty that was always there but we could not see for ourselves.  We must allow our gardens to be tended to daily because in tending to ourselves we can then tend to others and be filled. 

So, when my daughter asks me if I miss my mom, several things happen in that one single moment.  My mind remembers a silhouette of her shape; it sees the beautiful dark hair, the mole on her chin, and the long finger nails on her hands.  My body longs to be touched by her graceful fingers, listen to the beauty of her voice, and nuzzle up to the soft paleness and warmth of her skin.  My little girl comes up and longs to be a little girl mothered by her mother.  There is healing that happens when I allow myself to feel that question into the depths of my core.  I allow myself to feel the heartache and the memories I had painfully stuffed away after her death.  I allow myself to be in this present moment knowing that in feeling all of this I can be aware that it is my right to feel, that every child longs for her mother, and every child longs for the love and companionship of a nurturing soul in their life.  I allow myself to bring all of these experiences from my past into the present with my adult self.  Knowing that as my adult I can now take care of the injured child that needed all of that so long ago and never received it.  Through awareness of the pain that still lingers at times I can tend to those weeds, pull them out, be thankful for their gifts, and allow room for more beauty to grow.  As we shed light on our darkness we make room for our flames to burn ever so brighter.  Finally I turn to my dear Eleanor and say, “Yes, my dear, I miss my mom.  But having you makes me feel closer to her every day.  Thank you for asking.”  As I give my little daughter a hug I can feel myself hugging my inner child at the same time and allowing her to be nourished. 

Life is full of these opportunities to heal.  We must live in the present and be ok with the darkness that looms in our bodies, allow it to speak….it has much to teach us.  Through its expression we can shed light on our new awareness and make new choices that are lighter filled.  Until one day, our lights burn so bright that they light the way for others to see and become aware on their path.

What are your skeletons you have been hiding in the closet?  Can you open up the door and ask them to dance?  They have mush to teach us….and there is always lightness on the other side.

Namaste.