“Yesterday i was in the lake forest (5k) twilight shuffle and there was over 1528 people in the race.There were lots of people like me in the race and since those people can’t walk they raced in hand bikes and i raced on my bike.There were also people that can walk so they ran but insted of us all going together they let the kids on the bikes go first because there are different divions.One divion was the able body divion and the other was themales hand cycling para divion wich was the one that i was in.And since that was my first race i have ever been in i did got really tired but i pushed though it and finished and sirprisingly won first place in the males hand cycling para divion!!!!”
Well, that just about sums it up. I don’t think it could get any better than that for him. Well, it just may…but for now we’ll take it. The funny thing about this situation was that up until two hours before the race began Ethan DID NOT want to do the race. Only my middle son, Aiden, and I were signed up to complete the 5k. Earlier that day I had gone to pick up the race packets in order to be prepared ahead of time. As I approached the packet pick up table something inside of me kept telling me to ask about Ethan doing the race using his trike. I knew that they had hand cycles and other forms of para racing bikes but I had no idea if they would allow him to use his upright trike. While in line I overheard another woman ahead of me discussing her children and how they would be using bikes in the race. I couldn’t help myself and had to interrupt their conversation… “Excuse me, are individuals with disabilities allowed to use a regular bike in the race?” They both turned to me and one of the women asked, “What kind of bike?” I continued, “My son has a trike that he uses because he has Spina Bifida. He is very capable and rides all over our neighborhood on his own.” I was justifying his ability and reasoning ahead of time why I thought he SHOULD be allowed to be in the race. “Well, of course!” She replied enthusiastically. “Sign him up!” and she immediately flung a registration form at me and began typing in his information into her lap top computer. I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO THINK. This is a good thing because if I had thought about it I would have thought about how many reasons Ethan was going to give me that he couldn’t and wouldn’t do the race. I also would not have listened to the little voice inside me that was telling me to SIGN HIM UP! Just as I was finished signing up Ethan I turned around to walk to my car when a familiar face spun around the parking lot in a three wheeled motor scooter. Tom, one of Ethan’s sled hockey team mates, stopped in front of me and belted out amongst the sound of motors churning, “Hey, where’s Ethan?” “He will be here tonight and I just signed him up for the race!” I belted back. “Good, tell him I asked!” he ended as he spun away.
All the way home, I kept thinking of how much fun we were going to have and how much I knew Ethan was not going to want to do the race. When I returned, Ethan was standing outside in the driveway. I got out of my car, took the race packet over to him, and plopped it down in front of him. “You are number 1528.” I said without a flinch. I was attempting to act like I knew he would want to be in the race even though I could feel deep in my bones that he was going to reject the idea. He looked at me with an unmistakable angry surprise and asked, “You signed me up for the race? I told you I didn’t want to do the race and you signed me up? Mom, I’m not doing the race. I don’t want to do the race. I just want to watch.” I then attempted to explain to him that this race was for people just like him and that I had signed him up because I had seen Tom and he said that you should do it. I thought if I passed the idea off as someone else’s he actually might change his mind. Ethan often does not want to do what I ask him to do. This is a common occurrence in our house. We are like oil and water when it comes to expanding his horizons and moving him forward in life. Passing the idea off as someone else’s didn’t work. He saw right through the veil. He continued to state that he did not want to do the race, that he was not going to do the race, and that he was only going to watch. I tried everything I knew to get him to commit. I tried explaining all the positives about doing the race, I tried bargaining, I tried bribing, and I even threatened to punish him (that was stupid). But nothing worked. Finally, I gave up. I allowed the dust to settle. In the mean time I asked for assistance from my higher self on what to do next. I got nothing. Just to be. So, I did nothing and I prayed that I would be guided to know what to do next exactly when I needed to know it.
Meanwhile, Ethan continued to do some more freaking out about the event and some more restating that he was not doing it. He even went to his room to be alone and to remain angry. I carried out my preparations of getting water bottles and extra jackets and anything else we would need. We had to leave in 45 minutes. My husband and I discussed what we should do about Ethan and his trike. We decided to pack up his trike and act like he was going in case he changed his mind. At this point, Ethan was not even coming out of his room. He was so angry that he even turned down a play date with a friend because he did not want to go to the race. Finally, at the last minute I felt the guidance to go and speak with him about the race. I knocked on his bedroom door and asked to come in, he let me inside. I didn’t say anything. I was not ‘getting’ that I should say anything and my mind remained blank. Instead, I sat down and listened. He told me how he was still not going to do the race and how he was angry and very mad at me for signing him up. He told me he wanted to watch it this year and then maybe do it next year. He gave me at least a ½ dozen reasons why he was not going to do it. When I thought he was done, I spoke…I told him that I understood, I was sorry that he felt this way, I know he would do a great job, and that he should still at least come to watch. At this point I realized it was time to ‘let go’. When I went to leave the room and walk downstairs I heard, “Mom?” coming from his room. “Yes, hunny?” I replied as I ran back up the steps and stood at his bedroom door. I had a sneaking suspicion that the call of my name would be followed by some promising information. I tried to remain calm and contain my excitement. He looked at me with a smirk, “I’ll do it.” My heart sprang up and before I could leap across the room and hug him I controlled myself so that he wouldn’t change his mind, “Really, are you sure?” “Yes”, he said smiling. I made a thrusting motion with my left arm and fist and said, “Yes!” He went to get ready to go and I finished getting the rest of our family ready.
From that moment on he was committed and excited. With only moments to spare we rushed off to the race. We arrived on schedule and had plenty of time to spend mingling with friends he knew from sled hockey and other sports Ethan has done in the past. When it was time, we lined up for the race and waited patiently for the start. I was a bit concerned with the starting location. It was situated in the middle of a hill. I had seen Ethan struggle with pedaling up hills before so I was a little worried that he may have some trouble. The whistle blew and all of the bikers took off! Ethan took off like a bottle rocket. He left me and his little brother in the dust. I was concerned about him fatiguing or needing help during the course but these were worries that needed no attention. Instead of helping Ethan, I ended up hanging in the back and running with Aiden while at the same time assisting some of the hand cyclists along the way. There were several bikers that needed some extra direction and extra pushing strength up some of the hills. I was more than happy to help since Ethan took off all on his own.
As it turns out, Ethan had so much fun that he immediately announced to me at the end, “I’m doing this again next year.” We had no idea that Ethan would win first place in his division on top of all his hard work. When they announced his name, we were all in complete shock. It took us a moment to realize that they had just said, “Ethan Burkhart”. He didn’t know what to do with himself. We told him he needed to get up and go and get his medal and he finally realized he had to go get it in front of the huge crowd of people. A little shy but excited he went and collected his award. This was the icing on the cake. After all the unknowns and the subtle guidance I had no idea we would be lead to such a fantastic experience. Even in the midst of turmoil something inside finally clicked for him and the situation was turned completely around. When we finally ‘let go’ is when everything began to fall into place. Thank goodness we listened to that quite voice from within that continued to guide us all along. It brought a lightness into an evening that we had no idea would be so enlightening.
At the GLASA 5k there were kids and adults just like Ethan everywhere. Even more exciting was that we were all competing together with able and disable bodied people. This got me thinking…who’s the one with the disability? The guy on the hand cycle that has limited use of his legs who goes all out, is having fun, and believes that he can do anything? Or is it the guy with two perfectly good legs who is worried about wearing the right aerodynamic clothes, worried about being situated in the front of the pack, and worried about navigating himself perfectly so that he can be in first place? Who is the one who is having fun? Who is the one living in the moment, living in joy? There is much to learn from these kids that are more able bodied than most of us typical humans. They truly live in the moment. They are not worried about what other people think. They are out to live life without restraints. Their bodies may not work clock work like ours but that does not keep them from pressing forward and pressing on in life. It just gives them a reason to keep on going, keep on doing, and keep on being. That’s how I want to live.
Thanks Ethan for showing me how. Love, Mom
Angels abound! Lightness prevails! Moments of pure joy. Thank you for sharing.
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