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| Coming out of PAUSE |
This Sunday was one that was unusual. We actually had time to sit and breathe and I actually had a moment without anyone around. I took advantage of the moment...I slid out of the bed, gracefully, as to not wake my husband's slumber, tiptoed down the stairs as to be certain I did not step where the creaky floor would wake cuddled children in their beds, and flew into the kitchen to heat up my water that would become my pot of tea that I would snuggle with on my soft chair, blanket, and a book. I had a long morning alone, which seemed to treasurely go on for hours. As I was sipping my favorite tea and deciding which book to pick up and read, I tend to have several that I read all at the same time, since I do not have the attention span to read one book from cover to cover and move diligently from one book to the next. Instead, I like to read portions at a time and then read from another book with the same reverence. And then another book if I feel the call. It is not unusual for me to be reading 3 books at once plus some articles or good short stories on the side. This day, I asked my guides, 'what should I pick up?' and 'what do I need to hear?' this morning. As I glanced over my choices, I saw my latest find that I had scurried up at a local bookstore just recently when a lovely friend of mine and I were out having some tea and talk together one afternoon. She had actually come upon the book and I felt drawn to it as well. It has a beautiful powder blue cover with the words "Be The Miracle" as its tittle. A volume full of short stories intended to lift your spirits and make you feel the moment and the lessons that it holds within every turning page. I said a prayer to my guides to guide my hand and let this be the story that teaches me something I need to hear this morning. I intentionally opened the book to a random page in hopes that I would come upon my exact find to inspire me for the day. And...I did.
My Lesson would be Lesson #33, "Harness the Power of Hope". I turned exactly to the first page of this rather short 6 page story which was perfect for my rather short attention span. As it seems, over the years, my ability to cogniscize and use my left brain to process and analyze information has grown small and my right brain used for intuitive feelings and knowings has grown large. I like to say that I 'feel' my way through life, and it works for me. I grew up with the ideas that mental brilliance was the only way to be successful in this world of money and material things. I was never really good at school, never...and always fell short in the brilliant minds of the left brain. I was rather a dreamer all my life, wanting to escape the hear and now and go off somewhere to 'be' so to speak. Anyway, I began my morning read as my blanket grew warm from encompassing my body heat and my tea filled every crevasse in my body with a tingly feeling of comforting relaxation. I read about 'Harnessing the Power of Hope' as the author described what inspires her to be hopeful. It was a lovely earshot of a list of things that makes her hopeful. She listed them out in a fun and precarious way that just made sense as the list went on and on. I could agree on many and if not all of what she said. Things like...'A blank page in a new journal' one of my favorites...simple but true. I love the feeling of a new journal page in a freshly opened book. It makes my body feel soothed to know that I have an opportunity in front of me to fill it with everything I know and don't know. She listed out things like...'A mud puddle of splashing sparrows, the kind of sunset that erases away a bad day, the baby in the manger, the empty tomb, a preschooler asking "Why?" for the hundredth time in five minutes, a perfect stranger saying "God Bless you" when you sneeze, and on and on and on...until I cam upon one that really struck me. I felt that stillness inside me when I read this that resonated so deeply that I could not put these 6 pages down for a moment... I felt the need to grab my highlighter and make sure that I knew where this sparkle of words would be for the next time that i needed to hear them or share them with a friend. there it was, my gem for the day, simple and true...I read..."The words from Cry, the Beloved Country by Alan Paton, who described love as the only thing with complete power." If this did not stroke my soul like an eagle feather then I do not know exactly what it did. Something inside of my resonated with the idea that someone would write a book about "love as the only thing with complete power". Just the other day my lovely friend who I had found this book with on our excursion to local bookstore sent me an online article about the real reason we have addictions in this country and it's not what we were taught to believe. The article was based on a recent book about the power of community and love over any addiction that we are made to believe that even exists. This would be an entirely other topic of discussion that is not meant to be born on this page today but should be saved to encompass a writing for another time. The book can be found on line and it's title...http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6506936
I relaxed deeply and more profoundly into my spirit when I read the words, "Love as the only thing with complete power". This is the essence of what has allowed me to come out of 'PAUSE' so to speak these past few weeks. I can not begin to express the way my life has shifted and turned over the years and the way that life in general has opened me up and continues to open me into a presence filled with presence and presents all at the same time. I know that my 'coming out of PAUSE' is a big step for me. One that I realize now that everything I went threw, have gone threw, and am still going threw has helped me to break out of the cocoon that I was leaving in/living in for so long. I was finding my way out of the darkness that I didn't even know that I was in. I finally was forced to lay down my sword and hand it over to the angels and allow them to work instead of myself tirelessly working to make things happen. I have had to hand over the reign and trust in something rear than myself and ultimately follow my higher self that is ultimately connected to he great plan of all; the 'unknown'. I am coming out of PAUSE not to have you look at me as an example of rising above the madness that has filled my life for so long and healing from the darkness...no not that at all...I am coming out to live and be all that I possibly can be in every moment of every day. To reveal my stumbles and falls and my climbs up the mountain to my triumphs and elations. I am opening up to the world again with new knowings, new breathings, and new feelings...all because I had too, all because if I didn't I would have lay down and die, and ultimately, I can not do that to my children nor my husband. I am all too far familiar with what that would feel like for them and what that would do to them. I am coming out of PAUSE in order to share with you that no matter what there is always "The Power of Hope" and that "Love is the only thing with complete power" .
In these pages...where they will shift and turn and blank pages will be revealed as sacred places to share my truth I will be sharing with you short stories that entail lessons learned and that I am still learning over the years, in hopes that they may inspire you to live your truth...and to ultimately see the GEMS in all of the rocks you/we have been given. To make the lemonade out of lemons and the good seen from the perceived bad. I have had alot of crazy things happen a long the way...
-an alcoholic father who physically abused our family growing up
-frequent visits by the police over the years when I was young to 'save' my mother & brother from being brutalized
-a mother who died of colon cancer when I was 16
-a father who could not take care of me so I had to live elsewhere
-a brother who turned schizophrenic when I was 17
-alot of craziness, insecurity, doubt, and lostness going on within myself for years and years and years
-a child born with spina bifida and never knowing until the night before his birth
-a house fire that completely took everything away
-a child that came down with OCD/Anxiety because of it
There is so much more, so many more lemons that have been handed to me along the way...but you know what? I have grown to love these lemons...and now I eat them right from the rind and enjoy every succulent sweetness that touches my lips. These lemons have brought me back to who I am...they have brought me back into the balance that I was originally created in having at my birth. These Lemons have made their own Lemonade, naturally within my soul, without the need for sugar or anything else to cover up their innate tartness and natural punch of flavor. I love these lemons. They make me who I am. They make my family who they are. They are our strength. Our Power and the only Power that we have... the final lesson that I have learned through it all...
"LOVE IS THE ONLY THING WITH COMPLETE POWER."
I hope that you will join me...as I shift and COME OUT OF PAUSE...
Because...I AM.
All my love,
Jennifer Lauren Rose
